Nobody Here

다음주면
귀여웠던,
친해지고 싶었던 동생이
이곳과 작별을 한다.

정말이지,
내가 좋아라 하는 사람들은,
마음에 드는 사람들은
다들 내 곁을 떠나가는 느낌.
언제나 멀리있는 느낌..

Kitty (..Or A Spoiled Man-Child)

I'm starting to think that
I am like cat in some ways.

Like cats, I want to be
the center of attention
But only when I want it..
which is pretty much all the time.

But, when I do want attention,
and if I don't get it,
I grow grumpy
like a spoild little boy.

I like being with someone
but not necessarily doing stuff
with someone.

Basically, I want someone to be around
while I do what I do.

Just so I don't feel alone..

Edit: And like cats, I'm cute.
...now you can kill me.

My Life on a List

Stuff I do, or will be doing very soon (not in any particular order):

• Bass guitar at church choir (2 1/2 hours practice)
• Mass every Sunday
• GRE prep for Master's and take it before Fall
• Kendo 3 times a week, 1 1/2 hours, with Nationals Championship coming July 4th week
• Work 9 hours + 1 hour-lunch Monday to Thursday, 8 + 1 hours on alternating Fridays, plus occasional (if not permanent-.-) over-time
• Start working on personal game project...
• Keep reading stuff (Newsweek, books, etc)
• Raise a cat!
• Watch TV Shows (30Rock, etc)
• Keep blogging and take care of Cyworld MiniHP
• Play games that I passed on
• Finish games I started (Odin Sphere, Valkyrie Profile 2, Musashi, and so on)
• Workout
• and.... what else?

Am I overloading myself?

Test

Many people feel the need to test their lovers.
They test them to see how deep their love goes,
if they'll betray them, or
how long they'll endure hardship from the relationship.

Should you find yourself doing such thing
to your significant other,
don't expect for that relationship to last.

This is not because the lover will fail the test,
but rather ironically,
it's because it is you
that lacks the first and the fundamentally important basis
of a meaningful relationship--
trust.

You have failed the test yourself,
already.

That One Night

"...it reminded me how genuinely romatic I was,
how I had so much hope in things,
and now it's like I don't believe in anything that relates to love.
I don't feel things for people anymore.

In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night
and I was never able to feel all this again.
Somehow this night took things away from me,
and I expressed them to you,
and you took them with you.
It made me feel cold like love wasn't for me."

- Celine, Before Sunset

각오

"여자친구가 있는데 그런 말하면 안돼.
그런 말은 무언가를 버릴 각오를 하고 말하는거야.
예를 들어 여자친구같은."

- from サエ to カイ, 「Orange Days」

Promise

너를 만나던 건
기억에 남는 시처럼
가끔씩 나에게 떠오르곤 해
잊혀가지만 잊혀질 수가 없었던
나의 얘기라 생각해

다시 만나자던
그 흔한 약속 하나도
정해 놓지 않은 헤어짐들
단 한 번도 내겐 일어나지 않을 것 같던 얘기

너 멀어지면 나는 널 찾고
내가 멀어지면 넌 다가오는
헤어져 살아가는 게 이뤄질 수 없이
영원이란 얘기 속에 살며

내가 만약에
너도 만약에
알 수 없이 멀어져가면
이별하는 날에 서로 다가간다는
그 약속은 기억해주길 바래

- "If" by 부활

Milkshakes

Daydream delusion, limousine eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes
I'm a delusion angel
I'm a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I carry you
You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me?
Don't you know me by now?

- "Delusion Angel" by David Jewell, Before Sunrise

My Lead

It is under tremendous stress or urgency when people lowers their guard, or mask, and reveals their ugly side they'd hoped to hide from public's eye's; one of the easiest place to observe a person's naked personality is, obviously, sports. But if sports is not your thing, it's kinda hard to see others real, personal sides.

My team that I currently belong to at work is under a heavy burden of finishing our software within deadline--we only have 2 more weeks. My goodness!--and under allotted budget. I'm actually out on an Air Force base, running and correcting tests and software on the fly with the person I currently look upon the most: my team lead. And because of his utterly obvious involvement and his enthusiasm towards our current project, I cannot think of anyone else who works so hard, and so well.

But I guess even Archilles' had to reveal his weak spot; my team lead, facing hectic schedule and enormous mountain of work, started to let never-before-seen traits out. There are some that I've spotted, but one thing I am most surprised to find out is his frustration with other coworkers we work with.

Yes, everyone has something to say about others, especially those he or she works with. Yet, this came to me as a surprise because he came to me as a person who's only capable of saying great things about others--he provided a fantastic, and thus very unrealistic input about me to my managers that they are so happy with me, and everything he said to me about others at work were only the positives, never even slightest bit negative. Until now, that is. (But he really is a good person still. Just not as much as I once thought he was.)

I guess I am trying to say that I'm still pretty gullible to the image people give out. Thought I was getting better at looking past appearance, but I fail to do so, yet again.

A Word of Advice

"Never send a mixed message."