Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Commencement II

Being an irresponsible adult (it feels weird to use this word on myself), I always find myself slacking at my desk, each and every day at work. This is weird because after each unproductive work day, I always feel awful for what I've done, and make a promise with myself to put in more effort and be productive next day. Of course, such resolve doesn't last even a day; I return to work the next day, only to dive right into internet, and surf, surf, and surf a little more.

Well, at least I do feel bad about this, right? At least I'm not comfortable living like this. If I were, I'd be utterly hopeless.

But then again, I'm not really showing any sign of improvement. As soon as I get some work done, I fall back to slacking. I think I'm just waiting for something or someone to break me out of this poisonous habbit.

And I think I am about to get that medicine, soon.

The thing is, soon, I will be "loaned" to another team across the hall because of some complication at work. (Which, I have to say, was cause by my fickleness.) And that team is headed by some ex-military, hard-liner, white male ...guys, it looks like I will be put up to some harsh tasking. I will be given a task, a deadline, and nothing more. And by the deadline, I "better get it done," one of the more friendly guy tells me.

I guess it was more of how he said it to me that made me wary of what I'm about to get into--you know, the kind of heavy and forceful talk you hear coming out of military guys. Couple that with all the rumor I've heard about the team's lead being someone "hard to work with" (not because he's a weirdo, but because he's relentless about schedule and productivity) and you may know why I am troubled and became rather worried. (And I'm not expecting you to feel sorry about this. I'm not.)

The bottom line is, come next month, I'll be thrown into the light where I will no longer find some shadow to hide in and horse around. Well, I guess this is for the better; I will have to work harder, and probably this will carry me further than slacking hard.

The next chapter of my still young career is about to commence.

Friday, June 19, 2009

At the end of the journey,

there must be Heaven, right?

He must have gone to Heaven...

He must be next to God, along with his mother...

Yes, he's in a better place...

Monday, June 15, 2009


I guess it's that time again.
I'm feeling... left out.
My heart is again swirling with thoughts of defeat:
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.


When will I finally find a place I can call my own?
Where is my home?

I know these feelings are not me.
These are just feelings.
They're not myself.
I'm not feeling.
I'm more than just feeling....