Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Confession


My name is Peter Park. I am a software engineer at a huge US defense contractor. I am getting paid pretty well, even more so with recent promotion to "Software Engineer" from a "Software Engineer Associate." My job security with this company is tremendously stable, even in this God-forsaken economy. And the work schedule is very flexible--I get every other Fridays off. The job also provides numerous benefits, like a retirement savings plan, health benefit, and even a corporate discount on my cell phone service.


And I am very unhappy with my work.


The work I do is extremely dull. It involves looking at documents for hours after hours. (For instance, for the past two months, all I've been working on are a mere couple of documents and nothing else. And I do mean absolutely nothing else.) My work here is a tiniest part of the overarching program. And the program, as a whole, moves at a glacial pace--it's a same damn aircraft for past 50 years. My typical day involves sitting, staring at the screen, typing in a few character, slacking, eating lunch at my desk all-day-long, and... that's about it. Not much of interaction with coworkers, impromptu meeting with my task lead or team lead, phone calls...


On top of this--probably the worst part of it all--no matter how hard I slack, no one (not even a manager) bothers to drop in and say that I need to step up and start performing! You might think that they may know how I'm working, and that someday, I will get hammered for this, but actually, I was commended for the work I've put into the team effort. ... So, apparently, they do think I'm working hard like a worker bee in my little cube.


Everyday at work, I constantly think about 'what if' scenarios: 'What if I chose different major at college?' 'What if I wasn't working as an engineer?' 'What if I was at a different, a smaller company?' I always think of a place where my work is more dynamic, challenging, busy, and where I get along well with my coworkers, probably making a few friends as well. (Most of the employees here are in their retirement years, and rest in their 40s or at least with families and kids. I feel so left out.) Sometimes, I even look up job listings at some companies I would like to work at... The only thing that's holding me off is the possibility that any other places may be just like this place where it's dull and slow with tons of red tapes and processes.


Clock is slowly ticking. With it, it's taking my life away. But I'm not too mad at it about this moment. I just want this day to end, so I can go home and enjoy my time away from this hole.


My name is Peter Park. And I am a slacker and a daydreamer.

3 comments:

yakimachi said...

found any more motivation since you wrote this? I hope so, but it's not like you have to stay at the company forever. you're still young, there's lots you can do! Maybe starting again somewhere else, doing something else is risky, but the excitement would be worth it right? you have passion for a lot of things, but not this, if you're willing to take risks I think you will find the place that makes you happy where you can do what you love.

Dansoonie said...

I feel the same way... Only difference between you and me is that, my company might go out of business...

Sean Tzeng said...

Don't forget sitting through week long meetings. Those are even worse...

I dunno. write some iphone apps and make some money while you're at work then.