Friday, May 8, 2009


Recently, a certain individual (or two to be more accurate) caused a small light to go off in my head: I can no longer make friends. From surface, it seems everything's just fine; I'm leading a happy happy life with many new friends and even a girl friend.

But the thing is, well, with the exception of my girl, I don't feel that close to anyone around me. Even when I'm laughing, chatting and cracking small jokes, behind my mask I am instinctively drawing a line that I will not let that person to cross. If I feel like I'm getting closer to that person, if I feel as if I will cross that imaginary line, I somehow turn my head away, make an excuse, and start growing apart from that person. I don't call that person. I try to end conversation. I stop relating to that person.

This behavior has been so apparent lately. Anywhere, anytime I'm with someone--say coworker, church friends, kendo people, whatever--I usually don't speak much. I really can't say something that's relevant, something that echoes with people around me. I'm usually in my own world, thinking about stuff that matters to me.

I remember that I used to be able to befriend people quite easily. What happen to that 'me'? Am I incapable of social life anymore?

PS. Somehow I think this is related to my love towards game. But that's for a seperate post.


Doc said...


who needs friends when you have Video games-
new friends are overrated ;p

on a more serious note--dude, don't worry about it; you still got your charm. I am sure it's that you just want some time alone; and understandably so, considering how you're quite occupied (and perhaps even forced) with duties--whether it be for coworkers, new "friends," or whatever you have on your mind.

Right now (and I mean this) what you need is more time off, more video games, and perhaps a friendly round of alcohol with some old pals -

Peter Park said...

meaning, "come to NYC and let's have some drink?" ;P

Doc said...