It Was Like...An Ordinary Day + Alpha

For those of you who forgot, it was my birthday yesterday. (I'm staring at you... yes, you!) I generally don't like making announcement about my birthday in advance, because it feels like I'm asking for presents. Rather, I like telling people on that day, just so it won't go by too much like "just another day". So, the day came and went without anything too exceptional.

So, when I told some people at Kendo practice that it was my birthday yesterday, we ended up going to one of those people's house late that night, chatting and having few drinks. Although there wasn't any present or a cake (yes... it was a lie!), at least I got to have nice dinner and a few drinks, even if it was Tuesday night.

I ended up going to bed at 4 and come to work a bit after 10 today, an hour later than usual. (I went to bed at 4 yesterday. Kinda funny... considering none of us--five, to be exact--minded drinking on weekday.)

So... where's my present?!

Home, Foreign Home

What does it mean when two short weeks spent somewhere else felt more like home than where I have lived for past four months?

Yes, I have lived in that other place for more eight long years before moving here, but the foreign sensation I had when I arrived back here still exists. It felt so distant; it felt like all the other places I went past driving here, but certainly not like a destination, where my home is.

If the thought of coming back home doesn't arouse joy in me, if going to work every morning doesn't excite me but rather makes my eye wide shut, am I in wrong place, wasting my precious time of youth?

My Time is Almost Up

My vacation time is coming to an end. I am planning on leaving this Friday, or maybe Saturday, depending on how I feel.

Funny thing is that now that I had one full week and few days of vacation, I kind of think it was a bit too long for a rookie who've worked only four months before this vacation; I am already too used to living like this, without worrying about getting up early, spending time with family and friends, and not having to spend most of my time in a little cubicle.. This is the life I used to live up until last August, and I love it.

Think this vacation was too long because now I need to get myself disciplined yet again. sigh...

True City, That Is New York

I just came back from NY, the city breathing with people from all over the world. While walking around the city, I probably have heard the most languages in a single day to this date. The city streets truly felt alive; it was filled with energy, filled with people walking to all directions, and many of them even attractive people.

It feels as if I've chosen a wrong place to make my home.

Because We Can Hope

Not too long ago, I found out that one of my dearest friend is suffering leukemia. From his journal, it seemed as if he was hanging in there pretty well at first. But... it seems like his good health (mental health, I mean) is deteriorating as brutal treatment continues. Although not unexpected, it still makes me worried and, to be honest, shaken.

I guess as I grew up, I have been shielded from all the bad things that happens in this grim world--I have never attended a funeral, experienced dealth of someone I hold dear, or as with this case, see someone suffer greatly--that when something dire comes along, I don't know what to do. I heart starts running fast, hands sweating, muscle tense... and my mind is filled with fear, fear of losing something dear. My friend, in this case.

Maybe this (hopefully) shows that I am a caring person, not a cold machine that I thought would be great to be. (Immune to human fallacy, every little detail perfect... it seemed worth trading off human feeling at some point.) But when I can't think of anything to say, gestures to show, or anything to cheer him up, it hurts. It hurts so much that I really hate myself for being such a weak, tiny person, incapable of any good.

Hang in there, my friend. The worst symptom of all time is to lose hope. Don't leave it somewhere. It will bring you out of there. And I will see you on next Christmas season. :)