Thursday, December 20, 2007

Because We Can Hope

Not too long ago, I found out that one of my dearest friend is suffering leukemia. From his journal, it seemed as if he was hanging in there pretty well at first. But... it seems like his good health (mental health, I mean) is deteriorating as brutal treatment continues. Although not unexpected, it still makes me worried and, to be honest, shaken.

I guess as I grew up, I have been shielded from all the bad things that happens in this grim world--I have never attended a funeral, experienced dealth of someone I hold dear, or as with this case, see someone suffer greatly--that when something dire comes along, I don't know what to do. I heart starts running fast, hands sweating, muscle tense... and my mind is filled with fear, fear of losing something dear. My friend, in this case.

Maybe this (hopefully) shows that I am a caring person, not a cold machine that I thought would be great to be. (Immune to human fallacy, every little detail perfect... it seemed worth trading off human feeling at some point.) But when I can't think of anything to say, gestures to show, or anything to cheer him up, it hurts. It hurts so much that I really hate myself for being such a weak, tiny person, incapable of any good.

Hang in there, my friend. The worst symptom of all time is to lose hope. Don't leave it somewhere. It will bring you out of there. And I will see you on next Christmas season. :)


Doc said...

it hurts to be helpless

효선 said...