Self-consciousness

I recently came across a blog post about voice acting in games, which mentions an important aspect of acting:

"...an actor's devotion to playing the Oscar Meyer Weiner isn't terribly different from his devotion to playing Hamlet. Two radically different styles, but each requires 100% commitment. Anything less in either role - even the smallest bit of self-consciousness - and you're left with awkward floundering."
- "Voicing concern," by Micheal Abbott, The Brainy Gamer

Having been traumatically humiliated in an abysmal skit a few weekends ago at my church retreat, I felt a lightening hit me when I read the above lines. It's precisely what I failed at: forgetting self-consciousness for the duration of the skit and immerse myself in the role. So, I did something a performer should never, ever do in front of an audience: freeze.

This self-consciousness has cost me, and is prohibiting me, from enjoying a lot of things. I can't have fun at kareoke. I can't dance in fear of humiliating myself. I don't dare to give any presentation--this is really devastating in workplace. And most critically, I simply can't enjoy a company.

Yes, this must be why I have impossibly hard time befriending anyone. If you're afraid to really act honestly, genuinely true to your mind, how can you share anything?

Sigh...

I may seem like I'm thinking too much and too often, but I really can't help it. I need a good shrink who'd get me out of this sh*thole. Or I'll implode at some point.