Circle

Relationship.

If I wanted it to calm me down,
embrace me with its warm breast,
soothe me with its soft and gentle touch
so that I can feel free to be brave,
try what I could not before...
because I would have a home to come back to
and lay down for the day's rest,

was I expecting too much?

Yes.
I know that my expectation is high.
This is not a place to look for such comfort.

I know that such relief can only come
when I finally let go of my childish stubbornness
to hold onto what's good to this earlthly body and its desires..

...and let myself loose in His bosom.

I know that
it is the last and the first step to become...
an adult..
be someone I always eager to be...
someone who is so respectable
so responsible of his actions.

And..
I hoped you could be the one to lead me there...

And..
my hope was indeed misplaced.

I know...
"I know what I must do...
but I am afraid to do it..."

It's time to stand on my own feet.

Again.

A Musing on Relationship

To be fatuously honest, one of the reasons my last relationship didn't last is that I thought of the other immature. This is silly that it's funny because looking back, it was I that was the young one, not knowing a thing what he was doing.

At the time, I wanted to be a responsible and reliable adult (I still do) and started the relationship because she appeared to be remarkably mature for her age. Maybe I thought I'd be an adult by having one next to me. When I discovered that she was, in fact, a teenage girl still struggling to shape her ego, I found myself in a mulky position. And rest is history.

What I realized after the breakup is something that everyone knows: people change, or grow, in this case. Shortly after, I found her changing--for the better--very fast that I actually regretted not giving more deliberation to the decision and time for the relationship. In short, I just didn't hold out long enough.

People make mistakes. People make all kinds of stupid calls and from those, they learn. I believe I've learned something out of this... and I shall put it to practice this time around, and hope that this time, I will have a relationship I always wanted: a meaningful, deep, and mature relationship.