Inspiration

I look around at work, and I see a lot of those who see very comfortable where they are, even complacent. It seems to me that their value is centered around supporting their family, and staying in a stable job, with stable income.

I am not one of those. I want something different. I want inspiration. I don't want to work just for steady income. I don't want to work for the bragging right of working at a giant company. No, I want to work for something I believe in, because you are what you do.

This is something I (once again) realized after watching Simon Sinek's talk (embedded below) on those who leads. He explains that companies should have a value, a belief that drives their actions, and they should find employees who believes in what the companies believe. "If you hire people just because they can do the job, they'll work for your money. But if you hire people who believes what you believe, they'll work with their blood, sweat and tears." Conversely, this means employees should work for companies that they believe in, not just ones that can pay you.

This echos several others (as to prove my belief that truths always comes together). Daniel Pink said about today's motivation on TED that for any work that's a little bit more complex than rudimentary tasks, simple rewards does not work. Instead, their intrinsic motivations, such as autonomy, mastery, and satisfaction, drives people to excel. This is in line with Simon's message. People work not for money, but for their own belief.

In this blog, I've complained about how I'm miserable here at work, doing the work I don't want to do, just for the money. At those times, I simply complained that the tasks I'm doing weren't fun, weren't challenging, and I didn't find a reason to apply myself. But now I see that there's more to that: I don't believe in what this company believes in.

Actually, I didn't know what this company believed in. It wasn't communicated to me at all. "Never forget who we work for," this company's slogan always says. Now what does it mean? Who do we work for? Various companies from various parts of the world... So what does it mean by that? I simply don't know. A quick look at the website reveals a short statement for it's "Vision": "Powered By Innovation, Guided By Integrity, We Help Our Customers Achieve Their Most Challenging Goals." Again, it doesn't believe anything. Simply of delivering goods that its customers demand.

I want to work where I can contribute to advancement of the humanity, enrich its knowledge and art, or work to secure humanity's survival past the emptiness of space. Launching my career at a place as empty in meaning as void, and spending four years in that place is enough. I think it is time to take control of my life.

It's a Simple Thing. So Simple..to Forget.

I had a dream last night. A dream that escaped my memories.. but one small thing from it suddenly came back this afternoon.

The dream awakened the feeling, the honest and pure feeling of excitement, happiness, this feeling of butterfly in my stomach, something that brings smile on my face... for no good reason.

Yes, this is the feeling that I long for. Yes, this is what's been missing in my life. From some time ago, I don't know when, but maybe since I learned to measure people, I've never felt this feeling.

There certainly have been times when it came close. Yes. But even then, I didn't lose myself. I was calculating and weighing, constantly, in my head.

Will that day when I forget myself and enjoy the moment come? Will she?

A Very Depressing Contemplation of Desire for the Ultimate Frailty

I had a dream last night, where a girl I met at church quite a long ago appeared. At the time, she looked gorgeous. Donning shiny, long hair that reminds its admirers of silk, fashionable and eloquant, yet elegant choice of pieces accented by a tasteful selection of shimmering jewelry, soft cover of makeups emphasizing her angelic smile... ah, yes, she was very chic, indeed. Such quality of hers elavated that very being to a higher class than I am, if such thing exists today. But in the dream, she didn't have that quality of "higher class". Rather, she was just a little bit more down to Earth, plain looking--she wasn't as decorated with trinkets and cloth pieces as I remember (not that she appeared nude, althought that certainly wouldn't be unwelcomed). She might have gotten a bit less "tight" (not that she gained weight). Appearing as though someone I can feel more close to, I could comfortably smile at her.

The point of my telling of this dream is that I was again reminded of how pitifully gullible to superficiality I am. We all are inclined to, or even bound to, be dictated by the "image" we call appearance, however, it is certainly worse in my case. When she was looking splendid, I treated her as though she belonged in a completely different realm; someone to be praised but not to be close to, almost like a deity. The very second she wasn't so exquisitely decorated, albeit a dream, I was able to be comfortable next to her. She was reduced to another simple human being, of whom I could approach.

This is not to say that I don't want someone like her. I do, in fact, get all jolly and merry if such person shows even the slightest intention to graciously acknowledge my presence. The moment she opens her mouth to create a beautiful wave of music to address me, nothing more do I or can I desire! ..even if that was to talk to someone residing beside me. Anyways, even with that hunger for such beauty, the fear of chasing such a noble presence away by my meager status vastly exceeds my yearning for her. Instead, I hide my tail and distance myself as far as, and as fast as, possible from her before she'd lift the heavy smoke curtain I have employed to hinder her eventual but inevitable, dissappointing discovery of my true self; an egotistical, yet self-flagellating, ignorant rabble, who requires a constant look-up of a thesauraus to write even a tiny note on his un-inspiring blog in a futile attempt to sound a bit more intellectual, of which he has none. The facinating thing is that my abundant capability of exhibiting anal-retentive obstinacy has let me hold still the very desire that drives me crazy and into abyss called misery. It's more closely aligned with being suicidal than being plain pathetic. This is a long and lonely road to "unhappily ever-after" kind of life, of which there is no atonement for the unforgivable character flaw, or even a flicker in my mind to resist such vicious progression, which my entire existance is built upon.

And here I am, crying out loud, like a man-child, expressing a never-to-be-satisfied greed for beauty, while trying to cover up my synapse-deprieved brain with bloated words. But as they say, the first step to recovery is acceptance. Now that I have accepted my embarassing character flaw, maybe it will only get better from here on out? Sadly, the answer to that self-serving question is a resounding 'NO'. Thanks to my already-failing memory--I just turned 24, yet my brain-age is that of 80s! (Measured by Brain Age for Nintendo DS. Brain Age and DS are trademarks of Nintendo Company, Ltd.)--I am bound to repeat the disgusting glut I have written above. Whatever it was for.