Something I (don't) Live For

"To create a world where science and technology are celebrated... where young people dream of becoming science and technology heroes."

This is a quote from a website about a robotics competition I was looking up for one of my (required) volunteer opportunities for my work. (Yeah, really. A required volunteer. How fun.) When I read this line, I realized something. This is what people in this work place dream of; to be a hero in science and technology world. The problem is, I'm not really all that excited about technological and scientific stuff. More precisely, not anymore.

Thinking back, I used to be truly excited, fascinated and even flabbergasted by all things technology: computers, airplanes, spacecrafts, TVs, cell phones, new GPUs, huge HDDs, and so on. I used to look up online for newest gadgets, read an electronics' manual from cover to cover, or tell my not-so-tech-savvy family about what's hot out there, and why we need it.

But that enthusiasm started to fade away at some point. I started to get less excited by continuous stream of new tech stuff and get tired at being disappointed by them. I got tired of listening to fanboys railing about why something's so cool*. I started to feel empty even when I purchased a cool new toy, which I'd soon drop and look for something else. I think I started to see how things are in this side of the world; everything is bound to lose the "coolness," and so a better new thing must be developed. This is the fundamental driving force of technology; everything's got to be better, hotter, and cooler. (How you manage one thing to be cool and hot at the same time is beyond me.)

Ultimately, I realized that these things will never be able to satiate my thirst for the warmth and the comfort I eager all the time. What can satisfy me is that the people, not of the machine.

And that's what I want: human feelings. A moving story; a great work of art; a breath-taking photograph; something that makes me stop for a second and think. Something that moves every single cell in my body, and feel an emotion I cannot describe. A powerful message that can only be delivered by sound, or by image.

I want more than "cool." I want art. I am slowly realizing that I am in the wrong side of the world, and that's why as each day passes by, I get more tired and exhausted, less willing to get out of the bed each morning.

*This word, "cool," seems to dominate this world, as if it's like a word of truth, a word to live by, and die by. I'm really tired to hear something is so cool or that's not cool. There's plenty of other adjectives than "cool," you know.